I was fast asleep on my rug when He sat at his desk and rustled a bag in the kitchen. My ears perked up instantly.

I trotted over, hit him with my widest, most soulful puppy eyes, and did a flawless spin on command. He smiled, cheered, and handed over the prize.

I gobbled it down without thinking.

It wasn’t a bacon bite. It wasn’t beef liver. It was a raw piece of broccoli.

I stood there utterly betrayed while He chuckled and went back to typing. I had performed for a vegetable.

I arrived in Medellín, eager to explore the “City of Eternal Spring.” Before I could even take in the lively streets, a smiling local guide approached me. With infectious enthusiasm, he congratulated me on my perfect timing, announcing that an exclusive, invite-only coffee festival was happening that very moment in a hidden roastery nearby.

Enticed by the promise of an authentic experience, I followed him down a few scenic alleyways into a cozy shop. There, he served me a “rare, micro-lot Arabica” and charged me a hefty sum in pesos. The coffee tasted great, and he spoke passionately about its rich origin.

It was only back at my hotel that I translated the label on the bag he sold me, realizing I had just paid ten times the market price for standard grocery store coffee—and the “exclusive festival” was simply his everyday sales pitch for unsuspecting tourists.

As a teenagers, I experienced peer manipulation and discrimination.

Over time, I realised that I didn’t want to keep functioning in an environment where I felt uncomfortable, so I decided to switch to homeschooling and online education. It wasn’t an easy decision – I had to face my fears and step outside of what I knew. The traditional education system works for many people, but I needed a different path.

I don’t see that decision as an escape from my problems, but as a change that gave me an extraordinary opportunity to grow, explore the world, and discover possibilities I hadn’t seen before.

And here I am.

When I was working for one marketing agency in Warsaw, my last task (before I quit) was to design a persuasive campaign copy for a dietary supplement with cranberry juice extract. The goal was that women believe it would make their vaginas nicely wet. The copy was sold and it’s successfully circulating the internet now – no one knows it was written by a gay man who has never seen a vagina in his entire life.